She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
