whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
