I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
