haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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