i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want to fling myself into the sun
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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