We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
