i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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