shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
