He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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