im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
