Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
