just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
