I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
