He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
