Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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