Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
