Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
