I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
