Banned from zoo.
Again?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
