You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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