I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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