So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
