Someone shit on the floor
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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