just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
