i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
