you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
