There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
