My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
