someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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