i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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