someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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