Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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