I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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