I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
