So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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