The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
