We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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