some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
