i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
