I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
