I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
