put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
