I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
