before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
