Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
