i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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