I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
