Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
