Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
