He kissed a someone with a penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
