Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
