when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
